Words are not just words~

Illumination
courtesy of Dimitri Castrique

They say change is as good as a holiday.
And that can be so, (personally the holiday sounds good to me!), however one thing I do know ~ is that change is inevitable.

You can only run or hide from it for so long.
It will still be there when you peek out.

You can embrace it, attempt to control it, try and modify it, be fearful of it, gracefully accept it, procrastinate about it, or make it work for you.

Sure some of the changes that occur in our life we may feel we have no control over.
And I am quite sure we are all familiar with the 'mantra' ~ The only thing we can control in our life is our reaction /response to whatever occurs ~ (I'm sure you've heard similar sayings more succinctly put than mine!!)

The point is though, Change happens.
Sometimes it's so gradual or small we're hardly aware of it.
At other times decisions and actions are called for or needed.

I regularly come across people (on-line) who embody challenge, change and decision making with such positivity and confidence that yes, I do envy them a little bit. I admit it.

On the other hand though, I dislike the word 'challenge' soooo much. ( ridiculous I know)  It always conjures up an image of going into battle to 'win'. And of being ambitious and seeking out new goals to strive towards.

courtesy of Remigiusz Szczerbak

Tell me, how does one live a successful life (and you can define success any which way you choose) without ambition, goals and challenges?

I've never been ambitious or loved challenges.

There I've admitted it . . . oops!!

I've always been passionately 'driven and obsessed' to research and study various topics and issues and with Art and Creativity ~
The same could be said about my beliefs about human rights, about freedom, about the need to communicate and express what is within ~

So is this a case of semantics?

Of choosing words that we are more comfortable with?

Words that seem more 'safe' to us?

Courtesy of Dora Pete

And what does this have to do with change?

It's all about having a choice isn't it ?
About believing and accepting that there is 'no one size fits all'

More often than not, I embrace changes as opportunities for growth.
Actually more specifically ~ external changes ~ and the ones that don't disturb or confront 'core beliefs' about my self too greatly.
Because the greatest changes of all relating to self, ah well they produce fear, conflict and struggle within the self don't they ?

And those are the ones I'm working on most at this time, behind the scenes, in a safe place.

Isn't that what we all need; a safe space to explore and grow through change?

What do you think?

Tug of war....

Feel like a child who wants to spit the dummy so to speak or sit in a corner sucking my thumb.

Not the most adult concept is it ?

The frustration stems from not feeling well again this week and struggling to achieve all I had hoped too.

It's hard to not feel resentful at times when I've wanted to work on some 'growth projects', finish some paintings in progress and continue with some mixed media works but 'life' has interrupted yet again.

Usually I subscribe to the theory that everything happens for a reason, that the Universe supports our growth and purpose and that it is better to go with the 'Flow' rather than fight against it, wasting energy.

I know the 'spiritual' and for that matter the logical responses, words of wisdom, whatever!!

Yet there is this sense of urgency that time is running out and I am forever two steps forward, one step back....(or more often lately it feels like one step forward, one step back!!)

I realise I need to take baby steps and just patiently work away (chip away) at my resistances and avoidance issues.

I am finding that it is difficult to let go of old habits who have become my constant companions over the past years and too much of my life still contains that dreaded word 'should'.  I loathe that word with its connotations.

                                                                          

This is not about abdicating responsibility in my life and wanting to live in a cave of seclusion doing only what I wish to do. (that would be both the petulant child and teenager within!!)

However it is the difficulty that so many women and mothers still face. That innate sense that to look after ourselves, to do what we want is somehow selfish. Now logically we know that is not true. We know that we owe it to ourselves and our families to be all that we can be, to look after ourselves and to feel fulfilled.

Logic and emotions are complex.

The tug of war still exists on some level.

That I guess is the challenge.

Finding and maintaining the balance.

The addiction and process continues ....

In an earlier post I talked about my desire to continue with this series of detailed pen and ink drawings with the concept of 'The Weaving'.

Well this past week has certainly seen me spending every spare minute completing more of these. It's been like an addiction. Seriously, each drawing takes many hours to complete and then I would start another!! I just couldn't 'get enough'.

And the more I have worked on these, the more my energy has shifted, the happier and more connected I have felt too all aspects of my self.

That's a big statement for me to make.

And note when I say I 'couldn't get enough'  I have managed to only get four completed, I'm not talking ten or twenty works here!!

Are they any good? Do they still continue to be individual ( stand alone) works?
Have I honoured the concept and the authenticity of self? Have the designs and colour used in a few of them worked? Am I happy with them?

The process has and always will be the most important aspect of my work.
The Process.

You know as I sit here writing this down, (and writing has always been my 'tool' that I use to 'think' things through and get those thoughts or feelings out), I am so aware of the honesty in that statement.
The process has and always will be the most important aspect of my work.
I thrive on it. I need it.

To become so fully immersed that everything else ceases to exist, there is only 'now' and that act of  pen to paper, brush and paint to paper or canvas is all consuming....
That emotional connection to the work itself during the process, during the very act of creating. Mentally preparing oneself through simply making the time and space, gathering the implements and materials needed. Putting the work aside when one knows it is time to stop, to look at it again in the light of day and assess. Placing various sized paper over sections of the drawing to protect it as you work on another area.

All these and more are a part of that process.

Hence why when the work is finally completed, matted and framed, it is done. My emotional connection to it ceases. It is now for others to interpret or perceive and hopefully connect too.

I am trying to train my self to document my work by photographing, cataloguing and recording the details. I have always struggled with this aspect. It is one I am not comfortable with. (It fits within the category of professional and artist in the same sentence ...and I shake my head and make a grimace!!)
However I am trying and will put some images up soon!!

In the meantime ...and I smile with pleasure ...hmmm wasn't I still needing to work on those 'pods of hope' series !!!

Deep Within ...

the complexity of one's nature, the fragments of self,

weaving and entwining, separate yet connected

attempting to become whole

from deep within ....

Deep Within ...

the past not forgotten,

its memories and experiences still alive and vivid in detail

filed away ready to be present at any given moment

the future awaits, its outcome unknown

from deep within

Deep Within ...

there lies the emotions and feelings

both fierce and protective

and gentle and loving

fragile yet strong

both happiness and joy

guarded and defensive

there lies the emotions

from deep within

© 2010  lindy klk

Digressions and transformations

This Blog has undergone many 'transformations' since I first began it.
Originally it was only to be a type of motivational journal about self growth and development, incorporating both inspiring images and some of my artworks.

Then I decided to split my other art blog into two distinct areas, painting and drawing.
And I thought they should be slightly more 'professional' looking, less about one's innermost thoughts and feelings. So I culled posts and edited and rewrote.

However you know what I found?

I can't do that.
That is not being authentic and true to my self.
It is part of my nature, my inner self too talk about 'the deep and meaningful' stuff. About thoughts and feelings and the meanderings within my mind.

I need to express my self, and to be truthful, this is one of only two places that I can most truly be myself. (the other is with my counsellor!!)

And so, I 'go back' and allow this blog to be whatever it needs to be.

I have changed template and posts a number of times until you know what -- enough!!!
I tell my self --  just let it be, let it go and focus on what is important and the next steps.

And so it is ....

Exposed and Vulnerable...

In 'awakening the artist within', honesty and integrity are essential.

And when one brings something 'out of the darkness and into the light', one takes the risk in that doing so, aspects of self so long hidden and denied will be exposed.

Exposed is to be vulnerable.

And yet there is no other way if one wishes to be authentic and true to ones self.

Vulnerability, I've decided is a strength. To keep everything locked away may feel like a form of protection, yet I feel it's in the denial of ones self that the damage is done. We risk every time we 'step out of the box', every time we follow our heart and intuition. We risk every time we move out of our comfort zone, out of our self imposed constraints              

                                              

And yet, if we wish to grow and develop, to be all that we can be; then the choice is simple.

And so it is.

Discoveries...

I am trying  not to  feel sad and yes... upset even  at what I have just discovered; however the feelings well up within....

Finally I have opened up the big roll of art paper that I've been protecting and guarding with my life for the last 4 years.
(As an art student at Uni it was very expensive to buy these beautiful papers and therefore difficult to replace if damaged or lost in some way - hence my 'protectiveness'!!)

You see, I have moved 6 times in the last 5 years...and this roll of paper so carefully wrapped up has moved along with all my other art supplies and materials with me each time....

So opening this paper with clean hands and great delight - I was flabbergasted to find 2 of the huge sheets and some smaller sheets  already had drawings in various stages of completion on them.
Yes there are still plenty of brand new beautiful sheets of paper not touched and as pristine as the day I had purchased them.

Why the sadness ...these works, the drawings brought back vivid memories. Some that I had been trying (most unsuccessfully of late ) to not so much forget about, as to let go of...(regrets are useless)...and they were vivid reminders...works that I had completely forgotten about.

So yes whilst one part of me is delighted, I am thrilled to have rediscovered them, the other part of me looks at them and wonders ...and feels some concern admittedly that these are still indicative of the style of work I am so drawn too ...five years later.

So the questions I am left with...

Have I, as a person, not developed or extended my self in all this time to have 'moved on' from these ..... or

..............is it that perhaps this concept is so much a part of me that in a visual sense, there is still much to do....????

Late at night is not always a good time to ask such in-depth questions of oneself!

Inspiring women who have become my mentors....

The title given to this post would come as a shock to the women I'm about to mention for a couple of reasons.

1/. They don't even know me apart from some basic communications on Twitter!!
2/. They would hesitate and possibly struggle with the term that they are 'inspiring'

And yet they are in every possible way.

They epitomise 'Authenticity' and being 'true to ones self' on such a consistent and real basis, whilst maintaining their sense of humour, compassion and dedication in not only following their hearts and minds but in helping others to do so as well.

Their honesty in sharing themselves, their personal stories, their quirks and foibles, their ups and downs is not only a wonderful inspiration, but shows the level of integrity, commitment and wisdom they so willingly give.

You see, in sharing themselves with us, allowing their vulnerability as well as their strengths to be seen and acknowledged; they give us the gift of freedom.

Freedom to be who we really are, not hidden behind a façade or veneer. Not hiding behind shame or embarrassment. Not hiding behind our fears and anxieties.

Because of their gift, we are able to recognise we are not alone, we can be honest and learn to laugh and accept our selves, our strengths, our weaknesses and the potential that exists within us....

For many months now, actually close to seven months at least, I have been 'following' LaVonne Ellis at The Complete Flake and Kirsty Hall.

To be honest I am an avid reader and researcher, and it's not unusual for me to find close to 200 emails/ezines/newsletters in my (three accounts...don't ask long story!!) Inbox/es every day PLUS half that amount in my 'Google Reader' waiting to be read.!!

Now I tell you this because whilst I may be slightly loopy, when consistently refreshing and amazing people like LaVonne Ellis and Kirsty Hall post something in their blogs (which I subscribe too)........ I know to drop what I am doing and read them straight away.

They stand out.
Consistently
Regularly
and amazingly in so many ways.

They give me hope, they make me laugh and nod my head in agreement or give me 'food for thought'.
Wow,
now that is an incredible gift to me!!

Mentors who are Inspirational.

Just the way it is...

Okay well where do I begin.....

I had to take a few days to consolidate (yes again!!) all the 3 foot high paperwork piles, the 2 billion hard drive folders and the 4,287 bookmark links....

Okay may be I'm exaggerating just a tad !!

But it felt like it!!

I also felt I needed to think some more about what I'm doing, why I am doing it and where I'm heading with it all.... you know those questions that seem so simple...!!!

I even thought I knew the answers, but sometimes if faith and belief in ourselves gets a little shaken up, it allows doubt to creep in and undermine our confidence in self....

And maybe some of those answers that I previously thought were right, were applicable ...maybe I just wasn't clear or concise enough....

"You've got to walk your talk"...can't even remember how long ago I first heard that or who said it.....however I know it's about authenticity, being true to your self and believing in your values and principles.

For me, Art and Creativity has always been a huge part of my life, as a child, teenager, young adult and was something that even when 'Life' was consumed by the daily realities of marriage, children and duties.... it was something that was always there for me to retreat into. It was my haven, my sacred safe place to be.

When as a mature age student I returned to study Visual arts, it was my second attempt and over 25 years later.  I felt I had 'come home'. Finally found again the peace and the passion that had fought to stay alive within me all that time. I 'lived and breathed it' 20 hours a day, 7 days a week....... immersing myself and filling my soul.

Then after life took a dramatic turn and I had to immerse myself into a different reality yet again, my art and creativity, lay there waiting patiently, dormant and still within me, knowing that the time would come when 'we' would be free again. That belief never wavered.

And some years passed, a reality of business and management took over, until once again, 'life' took a dramatic turn and I was 'forced' to stop and re-examine my self.

And then gradually, almost silently, without planning or effort, art and creativity once more became my 'sanctuary' my safe haven away from the biting and harsh reality of life.

When I am drawing or painting or building pottery...I am at peace, time and place cease to exist and there becomes only the exquisite joy in creating.

And so it is....

What is Art to me ?

What is Art to me ?

Art is :

• that which moves the soul
• is true to our self
• that which elicits an emotional response, an emotional connection
• that which transports one from the general consensus reality, to a higher realm
• it soothes the soul and nourishes the spirit
• that which brings Joy & Hope & allows for pain and despair
• it honours all aspects of our unique human-ness
• it uplifts, inspires, it touches us, strikes a chord within us
• that which is felt or done with passion, enthusiasm, aliveness & love
• it is music, it is words, it is art - when it comes from the heart
• that which allows us to feel and acknowledge all that lies within us - all that we think and feel
• that which honours us and our personal power and integrity

That is what Art is to me

lindy klk

© Lindyklk   2007-2010

The more I learn, the more there still is too learn..

I have so many 'works in progress' and even paintings or drawings that I think have been resolved are always put away for a period of time in order for me to then take an objective rather than a subjective view of them...

Well I attempt to take an objective view !!

I'm struggling at the moment, firstly health wise there's been a few setbacks and secondly, I am struggling with calling my self an 'artist'..........this is a personal issue...

I love studying &; learning so much,  and I'm so aware of  how much more I need to learn, that I find my self more comfortable with calling myself an 'Art Student' than an 'Artist'....

And this is most valid, however I also think it may be a part of my avoiding taking that next step and in taking 'full responsibility' for my art practise. You see;  if I continue to see myself as a student; then I have my excuses ready for why I haven't completed or started something....

In other words it is 'safer' to remain a student than to label myself something I have such a high regard for....

Ooh believe I may have touched a nerve then....I have a high regard for Artists, and do not put myself into that category... hmm ...interesting!!

Food for thought!!

(Great more thinking to send myself around the twist with!!...does anyone else ever feel this way??)

Pods of Hope 2.

No hope of me getting a swelled head with a daughter who thinks I keep drawing 'worms or intestines' and a grand daughter who thinks these look like jelly fish!! The worse thing is they have me now checking out pictures of worms & sea creatures to double check!! (I'm not saying anything else about the comparisons or similiarities!!)

pen and ink 29 x 42cm

pen and ink  size 29 x 42cm

Just the way it is....

I mentioned in the previous post that:  " ...I felt like time was running out..."; and in many ways it is for me....I have only a certain time left  to explore and learn everything I need too before major changes (health, job and accommodation issues) take place.

I'm 52 years old this year and big changes no matter how much we recognise and acknowledge the necessity for them; can be a little scary.... particularly when one is older; and if we don't have the 'wherewith-all' to confidently move towards the future...(this includes support of any kind such as finances and skills etc.)....this can add to one's stress just a tad!!

When I spoke about the need for flexible structure and baby steps in regards to de-cluttering and cleaning up my hard drive; ....... really it also referred to my need to de-clutter and clean out my brain!!!!

courtesy of Jos Van Galen

For me when life (aka my self) feels like it's spinning out of control at a faster rate than I would like; that's when I need to rein my self in, apply some self-discipline, (which means stop researching and reading every article on the web !!!!!) and put some structure in place......

I just keep reminding my self about taking baby steps at this time and believing with trust and faith........... nurturing and nourishing my self still doesn't come easily.

This is what this 'Journey' ...towards the Art of Authenticity is all about though. Working with self !!

And so it is!

And so it has begun....

The first baby steps have been taken, and yet on the other hand they feel almost like giant leaps !

And in fact they are giant leaps - through and over and under the hurdles in life to have arrived at this particular point in life.

How does it feel ?....damn fine today thank you!!

These blogs have become part of my healing journey. The need to express what is within, has become essential to my well being.

The perfectionist streak within me that is often so debilitating, forces me to be honest, to face my fears, and to 'risk'.

I am truly grateful.

Influences to Heart and Soul 1.

These are some of the images that influence my art practise. Often a minute section or element within an image such as the ones below, will provide the inspiration and attraction for me to take further with my mark making and abstraction.

I absolutely love these images for their fragility, strength and complex essence!

courtesy of Maciej Urbanek

courtesy of clix

courtesy of Gianni Testore

Courtesy of Nate Brelsford

Courtesy of Maare Liiv

Courtesy of Naama Y.M

Courtesy of clix

Recognition and Realisation.....

I had such a great day yesterday...it feels so good when you actually can understand why you've been doing something the way you have!!

To realise you have been punishing your self (mentally) for what you thought was delaying tactics, procrastination, and avoidance of other work you thought you should be doing........

And instead to realise that it was all part of the larger picture, it was steps you needed to take in order to put into practise what you have learnt to date, so you can then 'let it go' and move onto the next step when you are ready!!!
Whew!!

Bottom line; I have kept refining and clarifying what I needed to know and then developing a flexible working structure (which I need!) that will allow me to 'work smarter not harder'....

It feels good when you can recognise and put into context what you're doing!!!

Round and round....

courtesy of Liam Heffernan

Have you ever felt like you were just going around and around and despite feeling you are solidly working,  you just aren't getting any where? Yep, that's a feeling I am very familiar with!!

From the corners of my mind....

Art  .... the creative elements of painting, drawing, mixed media, hand built pottery and yes, writing are as necessary to me as breathing.

To be true to myself, to be authentic however, is something I have struggled with all my life .

The deeply held belief that somehow I just wasn't 'good enough' as I was; meant that I was always trying to be 'perfect'.

Admittedly I am simplifying it because this wasn't a conscious decision on my part.
All I knew was that 'I didn't quite fit in'.
The 'square peg in a round whole' scenario !!

And so I stuffed down core elements of my self and tried to be the best I could be in the 'roles' assigned and accepted by me in this reality!

However sooner or later, all that one has stuffed down seems determined to emerge and force one to re-examine one's life.

2009 was a year when it all came to a head. All the health and life 'issues' that I had tucked under the carpet, became a 'crisis'. Externally I epitomised the successful mature career woman, mother and grandmother; however the 'façade' began to crumble early in that year.

Major health issues forced me to admit and recognise I was at breaking point and could no longer live a life that was so far from my 'authentic, true self' ....

The problem was in the hustle and bustle of everyday reality, working 7 days a week, often with no more than 3 or 4 hours sleep a night, trying to 'do and be' for everyone and everything else; I had lost who I was and what I needed.

 courtesy of Konrad Mostert

So last year was spent licking my wounds, healing both physically, mentally and emotionally.
It was and is, a long process and the journey still continues.
Every single facet of my life needed to be examined as, despite outward appearances, my lack of belief and confidence in my self (to simply be 'good enough'), was so negative and soul destroying. I had to 'uncover' before I could 'recover'.

After an absence of art and creativity in my life for a number of years, late last year I felt compelled to pick up graphite, paints, canvas and paper again.

And once I started, it was like the opening of a floodgate.
Once again, time and place ceased to exist and the 'act of creating' was all that mattered.

Obsessively the act of mark making became both a healing and a driving force.
The beginnings of a visual dialogue again ....
aarh the sweetness, the delight, the concepts and theories that began to resurface, the long held beliefs and the internal once more visible ....
the aspect of self so long denied.

Denied and repressed in order for me to function in our so called (material) reality.
The exquisite joy of referencing the link between the mind and emotions in an abstracted and oh so detailed biological and anatomical manner ....

And I started to feel the peace within that comes from doing what is necessary to mind, body and soul.

courtesy of Colin Broug

However it is a journey. One of baby steps. To break a life time of conditioning and negative beliefs can be one step forward, one step back until the balance is achieved.

The Journey towards Authenticity continues ....

Art and Authenticity...

To be authentic in a reality which is constantly changing and challenging  really is a form of art!

Art and Authenticity - two passions of mine that have involved a life long journey of searching, discovering, researching, self development, and personal growth.

For me they are inseparable, whilst other aspects in my life have often been a struggle, being authentic in my art and what it represents to me, has always been critically important.

This Blog is devoted to all that is complex and detailed.
And it comes  from the deepest recesses of my mind and heart.
(In that respect, this blog represent my 'authentic self' more than any other)  . . "Our


"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful 
beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask 
ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."


Marrianne Williamson


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