One step, two steps . . .

Once again, it's late at night here . . . my favourite time of day . . . the frogs are out croaking and yet I still hear the flapping of the bats wings as they land in the palm trees near my room; the only sounds in the still darkness of night. Soon I hope the rain will start again. I love the sound and smell of rain on a warm summers night. . .

So much has been happening lately that like many of us, my head is still spinning when I attempt to sleep. The mind and body is tired and aching and yet there is a restlessness within me.

It has been a major time of shifting, sorting, healing and learning.
Transcending, transmuting and transforming
I am no longer that which I was; and yet who I am is still too come into being.

Each baby step has felt like giant leaps as time and again the old habitual patterns of behaviour, thoughts and feelings leapt out to entwine and entangle, to choke and strangle the fragile emerging changes.

Anger and tears, frustration and pain intermingled with dreams and hopes, passion and desire.

And as I carefully cocooned myself within . . .  from the outside world as much as I could . . . I knew this to be a necessity for both my protection and growth . . . and gradually, little by little I lost the pervading sense of guilt in doing so. How difficult it is at times to do what we know, deep in our hearts, is best for us.

As we approach the end of the year, instead of focusing on Christmas to the exclusion of all else (as I've done for most of my life), I find myself reflecting on all that has occurred during the year and the changes beginning to form within me.

Art in the form of painting and drawing has once again become all consuming as I attempt to express visually all these thoughts and feelings hammering around within.

Additionally I have spent a lot of time experimenting with different tools & mediums. Exploring a different palette of colours, different makes of pen and ink and the list goes on. Of course that has also meant endless obsessional hours spent online researching, locating and reviewing these art resources!!

Yes

Sometimes the soul and authentic self know far more what is needed, what is necessary than the conscious mind with all of its yammer yammer. . .

Yes

One step, two steps . . .

Seduced by the on-line world . . .

I just wanted to touch base here briefly with an update of what's been happening lately!
To be honest these past few weeks have gone by in a kind of blur and I'm really looking forward to just stopping for a day or two and breathing!!!!

That's how full on it's been. I have done a heap of 'stuff' :

• met and connected with some amazing people, 
• read and commented on more fabulous websites than ever before
• joined  a great creative community space on-line
• participated in a number of challenges and projects
• been a supporter and encourager of others challenges
• learnt (actually that should read: learning !!) a great deal about my self through some personal development interactions and groups
• discovered good intentions don't always equate to actually taking action (durrh!!) and that thinking about doing something sooo much does not mean it has happened in real time!!
• finally got back onto my Facebook page
• Realised that 'Technically challenged' really is my middle name
• Worried over grown up children's lives and learnt the value in saying nothing just providing a listening post for them
• suffered another bout of bronchitis and the flu
• discovered the value of evernote
• subscribed via both RSS feeds and email to so many great websites that I've had to make new folders and discipline myself with an alarm clock as to how long I either attend to emails/reader and social media applications (Twitter: OMG !)
• still managed to look after 3 yr. old grand daughter, toddler 'puppy' of sons, (known as 'The big black beast' . . . the dog not my son), maintained housework (mutter, mutter), and trid to learn more business related applications

Yes it's been a busy time. Don't get me wrong, I know that for most of us our days start to blur into nights into weeks and we all spend busy lives trying to fit, squash, manage all our jobs, tasks, life in this way.

However, I have to admit that once again I have been seduced by the sweet delights, enticed by the tasty morsels of learning and inspiration gained via the magic of the net.

To the detriment of creating art.
And that is an appalling state of affairs.

So where do I need to regain some balance and my sanity??
You guessed it!

credit Mirko Delcaldo

Late at night . . .

It's late at night, not always a good time to write a post, however it's been a full on day and what better place to pause and reflect on what is within ?

Late last night and today I have reconnected with Twitter and the community ~  those whom I 'follow'.

So what you may say. The big deal (to me) is that it's been over a month since I last was there.

The value that I gain from this social media platform is remarkable. The ability to connect to like minded people, to those whose wisdoms and teachings are pertinent, informative and invaluable. From connecting with creative individuals from all over the world to leading and cutting edge professionals ..... it's just amazing.

For someone like my self who not only loves learning but needs too, I cannot stress the importance and value in connecting highly enough...

The greatest difficulty is trying to read all the posts and articles that such people have links too or recommended !!

It was truly a pleasure and joy to connect again.

My mind though is full of information, of questions pertaining to thought provoking articles, of newly discovered remarkable people and perceptions.

I also did something I have never done before. I took a large breath and 'bit the bullet' so to speak by purchasing a mini course by Danielle LaPorte. I've never done this before due to limited finances and the fact that it's an international transaction.

I've been tempted by so many courses/ books etc. before, yet have resisted the temptation, hence why this is a 'biggie for me!

Even now, to sit here late at night, There is a feeling of having achieved something important in my life.....

Too little creativity . . .

Well to be perfectly honest I've been really struggling the past few weeks. Despite eating well, resting when appropriate and taking vitamins; my health hasn't been so good, I keep catching colds or bugs and am just so tired all the time.

Unfortunately I'm still finding it difficult to fit in what I want to do, instead, my days seem to be full of what I need to do. I know that life can be like that at times for all of us, however it doesn't make it any easier to accept when it feels like one step forward, one step back.

That quest for the (elusive) balance in my life is once again at the forefront. If just one area of my life becomes 'out of balance' then it impacts every other aspect of my life.

The excessive tiredness and lack of energy means I'm pushing my self all the time and I understand how in one sense that defeats the purpose and compounds the problem! It's just so frustrating 'when the mind is willing, but the body isn't ............'

On the positive side though, I have caught up with all the emails and google reader items (having 3 email accounts - don't ask, long story!) which have meant far too much information to be dealt with usually; and have managed to cull a lot of subscriptions (newsletters, ezines) that just 'weren't doing it for me' any more.

I've also had my blogs set on 'private' recently to enable me to play catch up. Surprisingly one of the things I have missed most though, is the communication on Twitter !!! I have been 'off air' ever since the problems with computer and internet.

So I am starting the countdown to the weekend. By then I hope to have everything up and running again!

Just the way it is...

Okay well where do I begin.....

I had to take a few days to consolidate (yes again!!) all the 3 foot high paperwork piles, the 2 billion hard drive folders and the 4,287 bookmark links....

Okay may be I'm exaggerating just a tad !!

But it felt like it!!

I also felt I needed to think some more about what I'm doing, why I am doing it and where I'm heading with it all.... you know those questions that seem so simple...!!!

I even thought I knew the answers, but sometimes if faith and belief in ourselves gets a little shaken up, it allows doubt to creep in and undermine our confidence in self....

And maybe some of those answers that I previously thought were right, were applicable ...maybe I just wasn't clear or concise enough....

"You've got to walk your talk"...can't even remember how long ago I first heard that or who said it.....however I know it's about authenticity, being true to your self and believing in your values and principles.

For me, Art and Creativity has always been a huge part of my life, as a child, teenager, young adult and was something that even when 'Life' was consumed by the daily realities of marriage, children and duties.... it was something that was always there for me to retreat into. It was my haven, my sacred safe place to be.

When as a mature age student I returned to study Visual arts, it was my second attempt and over 25 years later.  I felt I had 'come home'. Finally found again the peace and the passion that had fought to stay alive within me all that time. I 'lived and breathed it' 20 hours a day, 7 days a week....... immersing myself and filling my soul.

Then after life took a dramatic turn and I had to immerse myself into a different reality yet again, my art and creativity, lay there waiting patiently, dormant and still within me, knowing that the time would come when 'we' would be free again. That belief never wavered.

And some years passed, a reality of business and management took over, until once again, 'life' took a dramatic turn and I was 'forced' to stop and re-examine my self.

And then gradually, almost silently, without planning or effort, art and creativity once more became my 'sanctuary' my safe haven away from the biting and harsh reality of life.

When I am drawing or painting or building pottery...I am at peace, time and place cease to exist and there becomes only the exquisite joy in creating.

And so it is....