Seduced by the on-line world . . .

I just wanted to touch base here briefly with an update of what's been happening lately!
To be honest these past few weeks have gone by in a kind of blur and I'm really looking forward to just stopping for a day or two and breathing!!!!

That's how full on it's been. I have done a heap of 'stuff' :

• met and connected with some amazing people, 
• read and commented on more fabulous websites than ever before
• joined  a great creative community space on-line
• participated in a number of challenges and projects
• been a supporter and encourager of others challenges
• learnt (actually that should read: learning !!) a great deal about my self through some personal development interactions and groups
• discovered good intentions don't always equate to actually taking action (durrh!!) and that thinking about doing something sooo much does not mean it has happened in real time!!
• finally got back onto my Facebook page
• Realised that 'Technically challenged' really is my middle name
• Worried over grown up children's lives and learnt the value in saying nothing just providing a listening post for them
• suffered another bout of bronchitis and the flu
• discovered the value of evernote
• subscribed via both RSS feeds and email to so many great websites that I've had to make new folders and discipline myself with an alarm clock as to how long I either attend to emails/reader and social media applications (Twitter: OMG !)
• still managed to look after 3 yr. old grand daughter, toddler 'puppy' of sons, (known as 'The big black beast' . . . the dog not my son), maintained housework (mutter, mutter), and trid to learn more business related applications

Yes it's been a busy time. Don't get me wrong, I know that for most of us our days start to blur into nights into weeks and we all spend busy lives trying to fit, squash, manage all our jobs, tasks, life in this way.

However, I have to admit that once again I have been seduced by the sweet delights, enticed by the tasty morsels of learning and inspiration gained via the magic of the net.

To the detriment of creating art.
And that is an appalling state of affairs.

So where do I need to regain some balance and my sanity??
You guessed it!

credit Mirko Delcaldo

Tug of war....

Feel like a child who wants to spit the dummy so to speak or sit in a corner sucking my thumb.

Not the most adult concept is it ?

The frustration stems from not feeling well again this week and struggling to achieve all I had hoped too.

It's hard to not feel resentful at times when I've wanted to work on some 'growth projects', finish some paintings in progress and continue with some mixed media works but 'life' has interrupted yet again.

Usually I subscribe to the theory that everything happens for a reason, that the Universe supports our growth and purpose and that it is better to go with the 'Flow' rather than fight against it, wasting energy.

I know the 'spiritual' and for that matter the logical responses, words of wisdom, whatever!!

Yet there is this sense of urgency that time is running out and I am forever two steps forward, one step back....(or more often lately it feels like one step forward, one step back!!)

I realise I need to take baby steps and just patiently work away (chip away) at my resistances and avoidance issues.

I am finding that it is difficult to let go of old habits who have become my constant companions over the past years and too much of my life still contains that dreaded word 'should'.  I loathe that word with its connotations.

                                                                          

This is not about abdicating responsibility in my life and wanting to live in a cave of seclusion doing only what I wish to do. (that would be both the petulant child and teenager within!!)

However it is the difficulty that so many women and mothers still face. That innate sense that to look after ourselves, to do what we want is somehow selfish. Now logically we know that is not true. We know that we owe it to ourselves and our families to be all that we can be, to look after ourselves and to feel fulfilled.

Logic and emotions are complex.

The tug of war still exists on some level.

That I guess is the challenge.

Finding and maintaining the balance.

The balancing act .

It's the weekend which means it's 'My Time'...phew what a relief....I need this time just to 'chill' a bit!!

Have barely been on the computer lately because true to form; after an obsessive amount of time spent reading, studying etc... I needed to stop and reassess where I was at. (yes again!)

And so last weekend was spent in dealing with the humongous accumulation of paperwork piles once more!!

Then having created a 'space', the desire to 'create' became all important.

The need to put pen and graphite to paper, brush and paint to canvas has been consuming.

I'vBut here's the interesting thing; I have just realised since I've been spending this time engaged in creative pursuits; how different my energy has been on many levels.

I've felt 'lighter', less despondent and yes, more balanced.

There's a sense of purpose, a knowing that 'this' is right. A feeling of being 'complete'.

Sure I'm tired and have still had to fit in all of the daily jobs, however it's only as I sit here writing these thoughts and feelings out (thus documenting the process!) that I become aware of these 'states of being'.

I'm sitting here now savouring those thoughts and feelings, allowing them to really sink in.

Acknowledging  and recognising their value and importance.

I'm feeling so incredibly grateful at this time.

Feelings of abundance of pleasure and personal achievement of feeling all is as it should be...

Balance so essential to my well being, so difficult at times to achieve.

But damn it's good when it happens!!

Series : Elements of complexity 1 ...

So this is what the finished panel looks like in its simple matt and framed.

Two tightly restrained drawings on the left and right, and in the middle the loose weaving .....