Once again, it's late at night here . . . my favourite time of day . . . the frogs are out croaking and yet I still hear the flapping of the bats wings as they land in the palm trees near my room; the only sounds in the still darkness of night. Soon I hope the rain will start again. I love the sound and smell of rain on a warm summers night. . .
So much has been happening lately that like many of us, my head is still spinning when I attempt to sleep. The mind and body is tired and aching and yet there is a restlessness within me.
It has been a major time of shifting, sorting, healing and learning.
Transcending, transmuting and transforming
I am no longer that which I was; and yet who I am is still too come into being.
Each baby step has felt like giant leaps as time and again the old habitual patterns of behaviour, thoughts and feelings leapt out to entwine and entangle, to choke and strangle the fragile emerging changes.
Anger and tears, frustration and pain intermingled with dreams and hopes, passion and desire.
And as I carefully cocooned myself within . . . from the outside world as much as I could . . . I knew this to be a necessity for both my protection and growth . . . and gradually, little by little I lost the pervading sense of guilt in doing so. How difficult it is at times to do what we know, deep in our hearts, is best for us.
As we approach the end of the year, instead of focusing on Christmas to the exclusion of all else (as I've done for most of my life), I find myself reflecting on all that has occurred during the year and the changes beginning to form within me.
Art in the form of painting and drawing has once again become all consuming as I attempt to express visually all these thoughts and feelings hammering around within.
Additionally I have spent a lot of time experimenting with different tools & mediums. Exploring a different palette of colours, different makes of pen and ink and the list goes on. Of course that has also meant endless obsessional hours spent online researching, locating and reviewing these art resources!!
Sometimes the soul and authentic self know far more what is needed, what is necessary than the conscious mind with all of its yammer yammer. . .
One step, two steps . . .