One step, two steps . . .

Once again, it's late at night here . . . my favourite time of day . . . the frogs are out croaking and yet I still hear the flapping of the bats wings as they land in the palm trees near my room; the only sounds in the still darkness of night. Soon I hope the rain will start again. I love the sound and smell of rain on a warm summers night. . .

So much has been happening lately that like many of us, my head is still spinning when I attempt to sleep. The mind and body is tired and aching and yet there is a restlessness within me.

It has been a major time of shifting, sorting, healing and learning.
Transcending, transmuting and transforming
I am no longer that which I was; and yet who I am is still too come into being.

Each baby step has felt like giant leaps as time and again the old habitual patterns of behaviour, thoughts and feelings leapt out to entwine and entangle, to choke and strangle the fragile emerging changes.

Anger and tears, frustration and pain intermingled with dreams and hopes, passion and desire.

And as I carefully cocooned myself within . . .  from the outside world as much as I could . . . I knew this to be a necessity for both my protection and growth . . . and gradually, little by little I lost the pervading sense of guilt in doing so. How difficult it is at times to do what we know, deep in our hearts, is best for us.

As we approach the end of the year, instead of focusing on Christmas to the exclusion of all else (as I've done for most of my life), I find myself reflecting on all that has occurred during the year and the changes beginning to form within me.

Art in the form of painting and drawing has once again become all consuming as I attempt to express visually all these thoughts and feelings hammering around within.

Additionally I have spent a lot of time experimenting with different tools & mediums. Exploring a different palette of colours, different makes of pen and ink and the list goes on. Of course that has also meant endless obsessional hours spent online researching, locating and reviewing these art resources!!

Yes

Sometimes the soul and authentic self know far more what is needed, what is necessary than the conscious mind with all of its yammer yammer. . .

Yes

One step, two steps . . .

The balancing act .

It's the weekend which means it's 'My Time'...phew what a relief....I need this time just to 'chill' a bit!!

Have barely been on the computer lately because true to form; after an obsessive amount of time spent reading, studying etc... I needed to stop and reassess where I was at. (yes again!)

And so last weekend was spent in dealing with the humongous accumulation of paperwork piles once more!!

Then having created a 'space', the desire to 'create' became all important.

The need to put pen and graphite to paper, brush and paint to canvas has been consuming.

I'vBut here's the interesting thing; I have just realised since I've been spending this time engaged in creative pursuits; how different my energy has been on many levels.

I've felt 'lighter', less despondent and yes, more balanced.

There's a sense of purpose, a knowing that 'this' is right. A feeling of being 'complete'.

Sure I'm tired and have still had to fit in all of the daily jobs, however it's only as I sit here writing these thoughts and feelings out (thus documenting the process!) that I become aware of these 'states of being'.

I'm sitting here now savouring those thoughts and feelings, allowing them to really sink in.

Acknowledging  and recognising their value and importance.

I'm feeling so incredibly grateful at this time.

Feelings of abundance of pleasure and personal achievement of feeling all is as it should be...

Balance so essential to my well being, so difficult at times to achieve.

But damn it's good when it happens!!

Deep Within ...

the complexity of one's nature, the fragments of self,

weaving and entwining, separate yet connected

attempting to become whole

from deep within ....

Deep Within ...

the past not forgotten,

its memories and experiences still alive and vivid in detail

filed away ready to be present at any given moment

the future awaits, its outcome unknown

from deep within

Deep Within ...

there lies the emotions and feelings

both fierce and protective

and gentle and loving

fragile yet strong

both happiness and joy

guarded and defensive

there lies the emotions

from deep within

© 2010  lindy klk

Digressions and transformations

This Blog has undergone many 'transformations' since I first began it.
Originally it was only to be a type of motivational journal about self growth and development, incorporating both inspiring images and some of my artworks.

Then I decided to split my other art blog into two distinct areas, painting and drawing.
And I thought they should be slightly more 'professional' looking, less about one's innermost thoughts and feelings. So I culled posts and edited and rewrote.

However you know what I found?

I can't do that.
That is not being authentic and true to my self.
It is part of my nature, my inner self too talk about 'the deep and meaningful' stuff. About thoughts and feelings and the meanderings within my mind.

I need to express my self, and to be truthful, this is one of only two places that I can most truly be myself. (the other is with my counsellor!!)

And so, I 'go back' and allow this blog to be whatever it needs to be.

I have changed template and posts a number of times until you know what -- enough!!!
I tell my self --  just let it be, let it go and focus on what is important and the next steps.

And so it is ....

More words to Inspire ...

photo courtesy of Krystesupev

• What is seen and what is not seen is just as important.
• Extend and challenge self. Push your self beyond the safe and known.
• KISS principle - keep it simple stupid.
• I am a work in progress
• And so it is.
• Why should we all use our creative power - because there is nothing that makes people so generous, joyful, lively, bold and compassionate; so indifferent to fighting and the accumulation of objects & money. - Brenda Veland
• Follow your spirit without hesitation.
• Paralysis by analysis.
• Punch it in, use your imagination and keep it simple.
• Jump in and experiment
• To thine own self be true.
• Confusion is a good thing; it means you are thinking instead of being complacent.
• The choices we make dictate the life we lead. 

Inspiring women who have become my mentors....

The title given to this post would come as a shock to the women I'm about to mention for a couple of reasons.

1/. They don't even know me apart from some basic communications on Twitter!!
2/. They would hesitate and possibly struggle with the term that they are 'inspiring'

And yet they are in every possible way.

They epitomise 'Authenticity' and being 'true to ones self' on such a consistent and real basis, whilst maintaining their sense of humour, compassion and dedication in not only following their hearts and minds but in helping others to do so as well.

Their honesty in sharing themselves, their personal stories, their quirks and foibles, their ups and downs is not only a wonderful inspiration, but shows the level of integrity, commitment and wisdom they so willingly give.

You see, in sharing themselves with us, allowing their vulnerability as well as their strengths to be seen and acknowledged; they give us the gift of freedom.

Freedom to be who we really are, not hidden behind a façade or veneer. Not hiding behind shame or embarrassment. Not hiding behind our fears and anxieties.

Because of their gift, we are able to recognise we are not alone, we can be honest and learn to laugh and accept our selves, our strengths, our weaknesses and the potential that exists within us....

For many months now, actually close to seven months at least, I have been 'following' LaVonne Ellis at The Complete Flake and Kirsty Hall.

To be honest I am an avid reader and researcher, and it's not unusual for me to find close to 200 emails/ezines/newsletters in my (three accounts...don't ask long story!!) Inbox/es every day PLUS half that amount in my 'Google Reader' waiting to be read.!!

Now I tell you this because whilst I may be slightly loopy, when consistently refreshing and amazing people like LaVonne Ellis and Kirsty Hall post something in their blogs (which I subscribe too)........ I know to drop what I am doing and read them straight away.

They stand out.
Consistently
Regularly
and amazingly in so many ways.

They give me hope, they make me laugh and nod my head in agreement or give me 'food for thought'.
Wow,
now that is an incredible gift to me!!

Mentors who are Inspirational.

Just the way it is...

Okay well where do I begin.....

I had to take a few days to consolidate (yes again!!) all the 3 foot high paperwork piles, the 2 billion hard drive folders and the 4,287 bookmark links....

Okay may be I'm exaggerating just a tad !!

But it felt like it!!

I also felt I needed to think some more about what I'm doing, why I am doing it and where I'm heading with it all.... you know those questions that seem so simple...!!!

I even thought I knew the answers, but sometimes if faith and belief in ourselves gets a little shaken up, it allows doubt to creep in and undermine our confidence in self....

And maybe some of those answers that I previously thought were right, were applicable ...maybe I just wasn't clear or concise enough....

"You've got to walk your talk"...can't even remember how long ago I first heard that or who said it.....however I know it's about authenticity, being true to your self and believing in your values and principles.

For me, Art and Creativity has always been a huge part of my life, as a child, teenager, young adult and was something that even when 'Life' was consumed by the daily realities of marriage, children and duties.... it was something that was always there for me to retreat into. It was my haven, my sacred safe place to be.

When as a mature age student I returned to study Visual arts, it was my second attempt and over 25 years later.  I felt I had 'come home'. Finally found again the peace and the passion that had fought to stay alive within me all that time. I 'lived and breathed it' 20 hours a day, 7 days a week....... immersing myself and filling my soul.

Then after life took a dramatic turn and I had to immerse myself into a different reality yet again, my art and creativity, lay there waiting patiently, dormant and still within me, knowing that the time would come when 'we' would be free again. That belief never wavered.

And some years passed, a reality of business and management took over, until once again, 'life' took a dramatic turn and I was 'forced' to stop and re-examine my self.

And then gradually, almost silently, without planning or effort, art and creativity once more became my 'sanctuary' my safe haven away from the biting and harsh reality of life.

When I am drawing or painting or building pottery...I am at peace, time and place cease to exist and there becomes only the exquisite joy in creating.

And so it is....

What is Art to me ?

What is Art to me ?

Art is :

• that which moves the soul
• is true to our self
• that which elicits an emotional response, an emotional connection
• that which transports one from the general consensus reality, to a higher realm
• it soothes the soul and nourishes the spirit
• that which brings Joy & Hope & allows for pain and despair
• it honours all aspects of our unique human-ness
• it uplifts, inspires, it touches us, strikes a chord within us
• that which is felt or done with passion, enthusiasm, aliveness & love
• it is music, it is words, it is art - when it comes from the heart
• that which allows us to feel and acknowledge all that lies within us - all that we think and feel
• that which honours us and our personal power and integrity

That is what Art is to me

lindy klk

© Lindyklk   2007-2010

The more I learn, the more there still is too learn..

I have so many 'works in progress' and even paintings or drawings that I think have been resolved are always put away for a period of time in order for me to then take an objective rather than a subjective view of them...

Well I attempt to take an objective view !!

I'm struggling at the moment, firstly health wise there's been a few setbacks and secondly, I am struggling with calling my self an 'artist'..........this is a personal issue...

I love studying &; learning so much,  and I'm so aware of  how much more I need to learn, that I find my self more comfortable with calling myself an 'Art Student' than an 'Artist'....

And this is most valid, however I also think it may be a part of my avoiding taking that next step and in taking 'full responsibility' for my art practise. You see;  if I continue to see myself as a student; then I have my excuses ready for why I haven't completed or started something....

In other words it is 'safer' to remain a student than to label myself something I have such a high regard for....

Ooh believe I may have touched a nerve then....I have a high regard for Artists, and do not put myself into that category... hmm ...interesting!!

Food for thought!!

(Great more thinking to send myself around the twist with!!...does anyone else ever feel this way??)

The Weaving...

courtesy of Carole Nickerson

At one stage I was fascinated with embroidery, knitting, and crochet ; however not in the way  you might imagine.
I came from an age where you learnt to do all of these skills, just as you learnt how to cook and clean, in preparation for being an adult and taking on those associated roles.
Learning how to knit and sew was important yes, and certainly I find them relaxing and satisfying to do.

courtesy of Patrick Hajzler

However .....

That wasn't the reason my interest became so centred on these 'crafts'.
                          

My fascination became much more focused on the feminine principle and how these yarns and threads symbolised our lives.

So I dissected and magnified the actual components, loving the textural line elements. The result was a number of series in  both paintings and drawings that used those actual line elements.

This fascination has extended over the years from being representational, to abstracting and utilising these fragments of thread and yarn in the linear mark making that you see in my drawings now.

The weaving, as I refer to it, has such a strong connection within me. The archetypes of Earth mother, the feminine principle, Goddess, the crone, and wise woman are all a part of 'The Weaving' relationship..... 

                                                                                           

And so it has begun....

The first baby steps have been taken, and yet on the other hand they feel almost like giant leaps !

And in fact they are giant leaps - through and over and under the hurdles in life to have arrived at this particular point in life.

How does it feel ?....damn fine today thank you!!

These blogs have become part of my healing journey. The need to express what is within, has become essential to my well being.

The perfectionist streak within me that is often so debilitating, forces me to be honest, to face my fears, and to 'risk'.

I am truly grateful.

Words to Inspire ....

• Synchronicity : We change and the Universe furthers and expands that change.
• Leap and the net will appear.
• Think outside the square.
• Every blade of grass has its Angel that bends over it and whispers "Grow, grow" - The Talmud
• Like an ability or muscle, hearing your inner wisdom is strengthened by doing it - Robbie Gass
• I paint not by sight, but by faith. Faith gives you sight. - Amos Ferguson
• What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson.
• Art saves Lives
• Words are a form of action, capable of influencing change. - Ingrid Bengis
• Love is a space in which all other emotions can be experienced.
• Don't let your mind get in the way of your creativity.

Photo courtesy of  John Nyberg

Purpose...

I'm sitting here late at night, in a somewhat reflective mood, I'm not happy nor unhappy. I simply 'am'. Tired but calm.
Writing in these blogs is difficult at times. How much personal information does one give, does one ramble on too much? Should I focus simply on the art making or allow other aspects of my self and my processes to be visible?

Breaking free of old habits can be difficult at times, such as my feeling how very self indulgent it is to write constantly about my self and my creative endeavours. Self indulgence implies selfishness. And yet I acknowledge in a most logical manner how this is not so and note that this is part of the 'Authentic journey' I am on.

Identifying and clarifying the processes - emotionally, mentally & physically - that are both involved and contained in this 'Journey'.
By documenting these in both a subjective and objective manner,  I am hoping to not only achieve my goal/s but also to 'fine tune' my focus.

Very logical indeed and yes most appropriate.

However as an emotional and complex (okay and difficult!!) individual, it sounds just a tad too logical for my liking!!

You see, how can I 'win' with two opposing sides to my nature!!!
Aarrgghh!!

Art and Authenticity...

To be authentic in a reality which is constantly changing and challenging  really is a form of art!

Art and Authenticity - two passions of mine that have involved a life long journey of searching, discovering, researching, self development, and personal growth.

For me they are inseparable, whilst other aspects in my life have often been a struggle, being authentic in my art and what it represents to me, has always been critically important.

This Blog is devoted to all that is complex and detailed.
And it comes  from the deepest recesses of my mind and heart.
(In that respect, this blog represent my 'authentic self' more than any other)  . . "Our


"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful 
beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask 
ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."


Marrianne Williamson


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