Discoveries...

I am trying  not to  feel sad and yes... upset even  at what I have just discovered; however the feelings well up within....

Finally I have opened up the big roll of art paper that I've been protecting and guarding with my life for the last 4 years.
(As an art student at Uni it was very expensive to buy these beautiful papers and therefore difficult to replace if damaged or lost in some way - hence my 'protectiveness'!!)

You see, I have moved 6 times in the last 5 years...and this roll of paper so carefully wrapped up has moved along with all my other art supplies and materials with me each time....

So opening this paper with clean hands and great delight - I was flabbergasted to find 2 of the huge sheets and some smaller sheets  already had drawings in various stages of completion on them.
Yes there are still plenty of brand new beautiful sheets of paper not touched and as pristine as the day I had purchased them.

Why the sadness ...these works, the drawings brought back vivid memories. Some that I had been trying (most unsuccessfully of late ) to not so much forget about, as to let go of...(regrets are useless)...and they were vivid reminders...works that I had completely forgotten about.

So yes whilst one part of me is delighted, I am thrilled to have rediscovered them, the other part of me looks at them and wonders ...and feels some concern admittedly that these are still indicative of the style of work I am so drawn too ...five years later.

So the questions I am left with...

Have I, as a person, not developed or extended my self in all this time to have 'moved on' from these ..... or

..............is it that perhaps this concept is so much a part of me that in a visual sense, there is still much to do....????

Late at night is not always a good time to ask such in-depth questions of oneself!