Illumination....

Sometimes it's really easy to feel we have lost our way.... it's harder to remember to find the light...

credit Hilde Vanstraelen

For the joy...

Once again I've been in research mode for the past couple of weeks....learning heaps and realising that the more I learn the more there still is too learn!!!  ( favourite saying of mine isn't it?) ....Aargh!!

Have also realised this is a wonderful creative way to procrastinate and avoid whilst at the same time I am still doing and learning!!

As artists we often go through periods where we question not only our creative art practise but also our self, human nature I think, to question to pause, to re-assess and re-define what we are in fact doing....

It's definitely an obsession of mine.... to research and trawl through enormous amounts of information, web sites, others blogs, etc. etc.

I copiously write notes, assigned to various folders, copy and paste and then print out these 'titbits' of valuable questions or info... it is both wonderful and exhausting!!

May I never lose my love of learning!!

Tug of war....

Feel like a child who wants to spit the dummy so to speak or sit in a corner sucking my thumb.

Not the most adult concept is it ?

The frustration stems from not feeling well again this week and struggling to achieve all I had hoped too.

It's hard to not feel resentful at times when I've wanted to work on some 'growth projects', finish some paintings in progress and continue with some mixed media works but 'life' has interrupted yet again.

Usually I subscribe to the theory that everything happens for a reason, that the Universe supports our growth and purpose and that it is better to go with the 'Flow' rather than fight against it, wasting energy.

I know the 'spiritual' and for that matter the logical responses, words of wisdom, whatever!!

Yet there is this sense of urgency that time is running out and I am forever two steps forward, one step back....(or more often lately it feels like one step forward, one step back!!)

I realise I need to take baby steps and just patiently work away (chip away) at my resistances and avoidance issues.

I am finding that it is difficult to let go of old habits who have become my constant companions over the past years and too much of my life still contains that dreaded word 'should'.  I loathe that word with its connotations.

                                                                          

This is not about abdicating responsibility in my life and wanting to live in a cave of seclusion doing only what I wish to do. (that would be both the petulant child and teenager within!!)

However it is the difficulty that so many women and mothers still face. That innate sense that to look after ourselves, to do what we want is somehow selfish. Now logically we know that is not true. We know that we owe it to ourselves and our families to be all that we can be, to look after ourselves and to feel fulfilled.

Logic and emotions are complex.

The tug of war still exists on some level.

That I guess is the challenge.

Finding and maintaining the balance.

Never ending changes . . .

I'm becoming more loopy every day I think.....

I've spent so much time changing, updating, reviewing and changing again, the design templates on my Blogs and practise Blog, (that's where I try out all these nifty gadgets and keep my reminder notes!), that I could have written a novel, completed a humongous painting, oh you know what I mean, just in the time it's taken me to get them to a point where I'm reasonable happy with them!

One word....

Ridiculous!

The upside is at least I've achieved something.

Working, working, working ~

Yay . . . don't you just love it when you feel you are achieving something !! I've been working steadily away 'behind the scenes' so to speak.

A new series of work is evolving and some big changes are about to happen with my blogs!!

Not only are they getting a bit of a face lift (read as: yes; I'm changing them again !!) furthermore I have added a new Blog that will be linked to this one containing loads of information pertaining to resources!!

So yes lots of exciting, challenging and time consuming activities happening at the moment!!