Feel like a child who wants to spit the dummy so to speak or sit in a corner sucking my thumb.
Not the most adult concept is it ?
The frustration stems from not feeling well again this week and struggling to achieve all I had hoped too.
It's hard to not feel resentful at times when I've wanted to work on some 'growth projects', finish some paintings in progress and continue with some mixed media works but 'life' has interrupted yet again.
Usually I subscribe to the theory that everything happens for a reason, that the Universe supports our growth and purpose and that it is better to go with the 'Flow' rather than fight against it, wasting energy.
I know the 'spiritual' and for that matter the logical responses, words of wisdom, whatever!!
Yet there is this sense of urgency that time is running out and I am forever two steps forward, one step back....(or more often lately it feels like one step forward, one step back!!)
I realise I need to take baby steps and just patiently work away (chip away) at my resistances and avoidance issues.
I am finding that it is difficult to let go of old habits who have become my constant companions over the past years and too much of my life still contains that dreaded word 'should'. I loathe that word with its connotations.
This is not about abdicating responsibility in my life and wanting to live in a cave of seclusion doing only what I wish to do. (that would be both the petulant child and teenager within!!)
However it is the difficulty that so many women and mothers still face. That innate sense that to look after ourselves, to do what we want is somehow selfish. Now logically we know that is not true. We know that we owe it to ourselves and our families to be all that we can be, to look after ourselves and to feel fulfilled.
Logic and emotions are complex.
The tug of war still exists on some level.
That I guess is the challenge.
Finding and maintaining the balance.
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